Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
