I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize