..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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