Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
