Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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