I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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