420 ftw
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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