I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
