You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
