drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How does one acquire holy water?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
