i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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