ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
