Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
