so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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