I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
