i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
