i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
