1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
only you would photoshop your dick
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My feet surprised me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
