Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
