you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
