I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
