Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude. I can hear the air.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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