If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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