He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
false alarm, still single
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
