You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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