My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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