Farmville is her only friend.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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