omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
