This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
