either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize