didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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