Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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