tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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