NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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