We need to rekindle our bromance
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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