You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i think im in europe. pls send help
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
