i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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