I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
