It's like God shit irony all over that family
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize