I need to stop coming to work sober
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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