Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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