i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
