I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
