Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
