So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize