i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
