I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
