Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize