I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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