I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
