I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
