i love accidental penises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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