Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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