let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize