that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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