she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
