Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
