i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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