you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
