Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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