I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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