guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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