So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A+ Viking dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
