dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize