thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The air was thick with penises
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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