and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
