I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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