We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
