No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
