Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
