I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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