I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
