Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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