My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
