The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
