Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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