I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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