i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
