If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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