Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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