Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
