Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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