I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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