also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
