saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
