i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
