I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize