everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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