you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
