don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
