It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
