oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
