is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
