Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
