Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
