I hate all girls vehemently.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
