we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
