Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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