he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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