you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize