I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
