I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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