someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
