I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
