how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
