I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
