So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
