Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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