Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
