a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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