Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
