You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
