would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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