my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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