Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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