I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize