i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
