Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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