First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
