How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
