just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
