I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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